Pairing: Seisub [Seishirou x Subaru]
Warnings: If you don't like this pairing please don't flame, thank you <3
"She's not real you know."
Light blinded him, amber eyes blinking closed as the light switch was flicked on. There was a sigh and footsteps, a response to his ever-lengthening silence. But he didn't let them speak, didn't want to hear what they would say next, for he already knew that what they said was true. So why bother listening?
"I know that."
"Do you really? Because you sure don't act like it."
"How I act has nothing to do with-"
"Bullshit, Seishirou! How you act now has everything to do with her and we both know it! So stop lying to me."
Another long, stunned silence. Atmosphere tense, as if it were a frayed wire that was being continually pulled, always waiting for it to snap under the pressure.
"...Alright, fine, if you don't want to believe me then fine, I'm not going to argue with you over it. But I'm telling you; don't let her influence your life when you know she doesn't exist."
And with those words came the creak of a door and footsteps as they grew fainter as time went on.
It's not like he didn't know that she didn't exist, in fact he was highly aware of that fact. What was real, however, was what she did to him, her words, actions, and how they affected him. Of course, though, he didn't admit it.
He met him a few months later. He didn't know what to think of him, this strange petite male whose emerald eyes would not meet his, whom fidgeted and apologized repeatedly even though Seishirou had said it was fine after the first apology.
"I'm so sorry! I-I didn't mean too! I'll try and be more careful next time."
"...I already told you, it's fine, so stop apologizing."
He seemed to hesitate, as if debating on whether or not he should apologize again, before giving a small nod.
"O-Okay. M-My name is Subaru Sumeragi. W-What's your name?"
"Well I-I'm sorry to bother you Seishirou-san, I-I hope you enjoy the rest of your day. Goodbye. M-Maybe we'll meet again!"
He watched as the teen rushed past, Subaru glancing back briefly and waving before disappearing around a corner. Yes, this male who called himself Subaru, he did not understand. And briefly, as he started to walk away, he had to wonder if they'd ever meet again.
They, in fact, did meet again. This time running into each other at Ueno Park, under the large sakura that was somehow already in bloom.
"U-Um...Seishirou-san, i-is that you?"
Amber peered down from a high branch in the tree before there was a creak and crackle as a large figure hopped down from a branch, landing easily on two feet.
"Yes. What are you doing here Subaru-kun?"
"I-I came to the park with my twin sister, w-we were just having lunch. U-Um...I hope you don't mind me asking but w-why were you up in that tree?"
A blink, confusion swimming in amber pools before blinking again, eyes clearing.
"I was eating my lunch."
Silently he added that he was up there to get away from her as well, though considering she was only a figment of his own mind it didn't really work, something he knew though wanted to try anyways. However she was not there now for some reason...
"Up in the tree?"
"Yes. Want to try it?"
"Um...W-Well I-I'm really clumsy s-so I d-don't think that's a good idea..."
"Don't worry, I won't let you fall."
A hesitation, only a second though it felt like it was longer, before the male nodded.
"It's nice sitting up here, isn't it?"
The male nodded again, now strangely silent. There was some rustling, as if the sakura petals were answering for the teen, a low whisper in the cool air. But soon that silence was broken and it wasn't from the rustling of the sakura tree.
"Seishirou-san? Why were you up here?"
The shift in tone surprised him a bit, before Subaru had been timid, shy, but now he sounded more confident, voice steady though his emerald eyes didn't look up to meet his amber ones.
"I told you, I was eating lunch up here."
"You're lying. I mean...um....I-I don't mean to sound rude but...there's another reason, isn't there?"
How could he read him so well?
"...Yes. I'm trying to avoid someone."
It was more like he was testing something, but alas, he couldn't really tell the teen what or whom he was trying to 'avoid' without sounding completely insane.
"Oh... Why didn't you say so?"
"I didn't find a reason too."
A frown, deep and tense under the shadow of the tree.
"...You're lying again. It's not good to lie you know, Seishirou-san."
"Oh? But what if I said I wasn't lying?"
"...Anyways...i-is it okay if we keep meeting like this? Under this sakura tree?"
"...I wouldn't mind."
It would be an experiment, of sorts, to try and understand this strange boy and, perhaps in the process, she'd disappear from his mind as well. Though maybe not.
The next few meetings were quiet, but with each one that passed they became continuously less awkward. But on the planned seventh one Seishirou didn't show up, and once their next meeting arrived, the once-absent male came with gauze wrapped around his hands.
"Seishirou-san, what happened to your hands?"
"...Nothing. Just a little accident is all."
"You're lying. Please tell me."
"I'm not lying."
"...Just eat the lunch I made you, okay?"
That day continued on in silence.
The fourteenth meeting didn't happen at Ueno Park.
"S-Subaru-kun...what are you doing here?"
Darkness surrounded them as Seishirou laid, backside leaning against the wall in the corner of his room. Pillows lay haphazardly across the room, books and their torn pages scattered, glass shattered across the ground, only the blanket surviving the storm that had swept across the small bedroom, it clinging desperately to the frame of the mattress. Blood stained the older male's arms and hands which lay across his lap and the floor, amber glazed over as he stared up into the frightened and concerned emerald orbs of his guest.
"Y-You said y-you wanted to meet here...r-remember?"
Right...he had said that.
"Yes...Yes I remember now. But never mind that; you should go home. Today's not the best day for you to see me as you can see."
"P-Please let me stay! I want to help you..."
He wasn't sure if he should let him, partly due to his stubbornness and pride, which never allowed even his brother to help when he got this way, and partly because the teen already looked like he was going to cry. But how could he say no right now?
"...Fine. The gauze is in the drawer of my bedside table."
The teen gave him a look, as if questioning why the gauze would be there, but didn't say anything as he quickly went over and grabbed it. The first time he wrapped the gauze around Seishirou's arm and hand, his work was steady, quick, but the second arm and hand he got a little more sloppy, a little slower, appearing as if he were to faint. But Seishirou thanked him nonetheless and it was only after that Subaru left for the night that he started fixing it quietly and it was exactly then when Fuuma returned to the house.
"...You hurt yourself again? Was it because of 'her'?"
"...It was an accident, but yes, it was partially due to her."
"And now because of it you're wrapping your arms?"
"No, I'm just fixing the gauze that boy had wrapped."
"'That boy'? Do you mean the one you've been meeting at Ueno Park?"
"His name is Subaru and yes, he is. I told you about him."
"...And he came all the way here? Just randomly showing up, when only you were here? How did he even get in the house?"
"Yes, we did plan the meeting here at your request. And he got in because the front door was unlocked."
"But I meant for that meeting to be while I was here. So, you know, I could meet him as well."
"...I know what you're thinking Fuuma and no, I'm not that insane."
"Fine. But you have to admit, it is a little strange."
"Drop it Fuuma."
"Okay, suit yourself. I'm just expressing my concern over my twin brother who has a history."
"Maybe he's right, you know. Perhaps that boy isn't real at all."
"Shut up Sekka, you're the one that's an illusion here."
"Am I really? When I can affect you like so?"
A hand snaked away around his neck, touching his face, breath hot against his skin.
"You're...you're not real. I know you're not. I have proof you're not."
"But does it matter if I have a physical body or not? Even if it's just in your mind, don't I exist? I am able to influence your decisions, subconsciously or not. You see me everywhere you go, I have never left. Doesn't that mean that I exist at least in your mind? Doesn't that mean that, even a little bit, that you belong to me?"
Seishirou could not answer that one, could not think of a retaliation. For wasn't it true? That he was trapped in her clutches, real or not?
Doubts were clouding his mind when Subaru spoke, voice soft, whispery in the wind.
Seishirou paused, food slipping back into the box. Behind them, a bird chirped from within the branches.
"I...W-Well...I-It's been a-almost a year since we first met a-and...w-well I know w-we're still getting to know e-each other but...um..."
"Subaru-kun, if I didn't know any better I'd say this sounded like a confession."
When Subaru didn't say anything more, just a small nod, Seishirou blinked as his response to Subaru.
"...Then this is a confession?"
"Y-Yes. I-I....I-I really love you, Seishirou-san."
For the first time in a long time, the cloudiness cleared from Seishirou's mind.
"And I, you, Subaru-kun."
Maybe he should have listened to him, for the boy that had seemingly saved him from her was now leading him to ruin. He was always there when he had a breakdown, and if not it was Fuuma. And if he wasn't having a bad day, they would go out, earning strange stares from the crowd though Seishirou ignored them while Subaru squirmed. But no matter where he was, it felt like Subaru was there, observing the cracks in his sanity as they grew wider, almost into chasms.
"Seishirou, we need to talk."
"What's this about?"
The living room was dimly lit, his brother's expression somber, reflecting the atmosphere around them.
"It's about Subaru-kun."
"Oh? And what about him?"
"Seishirou...I don't know how to say this but...there's no Subaru-kun that goes to our school."
"That's just it Seishirou...he doesn't exist. Neither does his sister."
He felt as if he was about to shatter. This couldn't be true...
"If you don't believe me take a look yourself."
A thud, a large, very old newspaper thrown onto the table in between them.
"Subaru died in 1999, and his sister died in 1990. They don't exist in this time period Seishirou. Just like Setsuka...they're not real."
His initial reaction was that he wanted to scream, to deny what his brother said to be true, to find evidence that it wasn't, that it was all lies. But he didn't, keeping a closed expression and, instead, standing.
"Seishirou? Seishirou where are you going?!"
"To Ueno Park."
And then he was gone.
But when he got there, there was no sign of Subaru, just empty sakura branches and lonely petals as they rained down. And, as he stared into that tree, something flashed before amber. Was it a memory, perhaps? Between learning that he had been completely and utterly captivated by illusions once again, who was to say that this wasn't one as well? But the image was like a sharp pain, stabbing into his temples, causing him to breath heavy, and when he stumbled back, he realized that it was real. That the boy he had been seeing, the woman that would not stop tormenting him, had once been real, but in a different time and place and maybe even universe. And that here, even if he had once known them somehow in a past life, that here they were merely illusions here, and that shattered him, knees giving way and breath halting. Yes, here, they did not exist, and because of that, the love he had finally managed to feel for that boy would never be realized. That the person whom seemed to...complete him, did not exist nor did he have a right to know him, for like what was happening with him now, he had completely shattered that boy.
Maybe it was just a cruel joke, maybe he deserved it. Either way it did not matter, for even when his brother found him there, he knew it was too late, that there was no going back, that Seishirou's mind would forever be clouded.